leroBlog

formerly in this space was the letter of resignation i wrote to the CBC. i took it down because it was screen-captured and posted somewhere else and now a fresh crew of people hate my guts on a new website.

i still haven’t grown the kind of thick skin one needs to deal with this sort of stuff.

i quit my job last week so i spent a lot of time looking at who has made changes on my wikipedia page. this small one came in on may 8th and i know who it is because of THE INTERNET. now all i need to do is geolocate all those people who called me a murderer on Salon.com last month.

Today I lost the Stephen Leacock Memorial Medal for Humour Writing to now three-time winner Will Ferguson. (Hearty congratulations to him.)

It is only a shame because I was going to use the money to resurrect my dead paternal grandfather with an expensive spell and potion after starting up a backroom pygmy small loris fighting ring n’ craps shack. I was going to do both of these things next week. Now my schedule is clear. Call me!

I have a shard of glass lodged in my left foot from jumping off the couch while playing Boston’s More Than a Feeling on XBox Rock Band. There’s glass everywhere.

Hey Kids! Kathryn Borel sez: THERE’S GLASS EVERYWHERE.

I thought I was going to get shot in the Vons parking lot tonight.

Hey Kids! Remember to MAKE A DIFF.

I went to Venice Beach for the first time. It was a Sunday, and the boardwalk was packed full of people eating the biggest Snow Cones I’d ever seen. There was 30-something woman in a graying green fairy costume with frayed wings, standing on a small mat looking down at her dirty pointe shoes. A little girl walked by and put a few dollar bills into a tin can that had a paper with TIPS written on it. The fairy’s face came alive and she bounced into an en pointe position. It was the kind of face and posture that indicated that she knew exactly what she was going to buy with her can of money.

Then I ate a hot dog in one bite. Just like a velociraptor.

My first In N Out burger as photographed over my first private strawberry patch.

A true fact about humans: You either have had a near-death experience or you are dead.

UNRELATED:

Here is a photo of my parents at their wedding reception.

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today i live in los angeles. i plan on living here tomorrow and in a series of tomorrows that will stretch until the end of may. this means i will miss cinqo de mayo in toronto, which is a real shame.

last week, i was in paris. the icelandic volcano with the OUTRAGEOUS name exploded while i was in the air, or something like that. amazingly, i survived the volcano. i am currently writing a glorious screenplay about this, as i am in stunning los angeles.

while i was in glamorphous paris, i jumped on a urine-soaked mattress. you absolutely HAVE to jump on one if you go — you truly haven’t LIVED until you’ve bounded up and down on a pisstress (as they’re called in france) in fliburlious pah-ree.

He is LOST. He really could be anywhere. He is a little green parrotlet. He could be in your Port-O-Let. He might be leaving on a jet. I don’t know!