leroBlog

Don’t you hate it when:

- Vitoria Fatima Gomes puts your freshly renewed scrip in a place you don’t usually keep it? (Vitoria Fatima, I keep my scrips in the drawer with my Ace bandages and vibrators, not the bathroom near the neti pot!)

- All you have in your entire house to eat is old parsley and a small piece of Swiss cheese?

- You’re eating the cheese and realize you’ve been unconsciously nibbling it into the shape of either a Griffin or a Scottie dog?

1. Pass out fully clothed (with parka and scarf and gloves and boots on as well.)
2. Make a picture of a dead mouse my screen saver. I took this picture in 2008 because I loved the way the mouse’s mouth was wrapped around the cheese. I carried it all over the house, holding it up against different walls to see what was the nicest contrast. (It was the kitchen)

Unrelated: Kate from Montreal is the winner of the Pussycat Dolls workout video. She vows to practice the moves very hard and do a post-Christmas dinner show for her inlaws. Congratulations, Kate!

i tried the workout video again today because i didn’t want to be a coward. i wore shorts instead of sweatpants to become more like a cat and less like cat(hy). i made it to minute 36. it was then i realized that i was so distracted by the gravity agnosticism of the ass of the girl on the far left that i was unable get the top part of my body and the bottom part to sync up with each other or rhythm.

PUSSYCAT DOLL WORKOUT VIDEO FAIL. i will mail the video to the first person who emails me at kathryn.borel@gmail.com. PUSSYCAT VIDEO CONTEST. (you could use it for masturbation, i suppose? i think that was its original use.)

In 2002, I moved to Toronto and joined the YMCA because I was kind of fat. I was curious about the effects of exercises of public shame and whether they would catalyze the shedding of vanity, so during the mid-week I would take an advanced step aerobics class. I refused to bring a friend, because I didn’t want to have to option of turning to someone and sheepishly/conspiratorially laughing if I fucked up the L-step/A-step/grapevine sequence. When I did fuck it up, I’d make sure to keep my brow furrowed in concentration and attempt to catch up with the instructor.

Last week a promotional copy of the Pussycat Dolls workout turned up on my desk at work.

I could only bear to do ten minutes of it in my living room tonight before I was too humiliated to continue.

In September I wrote this article for the Globe about axing a guy with my car. A professor at Trent university in Peterborough is using it for his Politics of the Automobile course.

This is a pig in a blanket sculpture called Pig in a Blanket by Marsha Tosk. I think I like it better than tiny wieners in puff pastry, which is saying more than a lot of something.

Melora Koepke of Montreal’s Hour mag wrote kind things.

You promised you’d be my boyfriend if I screamed the idea at you loud enough. I did, and so you were. Then we got married and everyone was happy that I’d finally grown up for a change. Then later I had an affair with a much younger man so I divorced you in order to be with him. He was 18 and had watched so much pornography that I had to teach him how to kiss on the mouth. Eventually he became good at that so I married him. We do it, like, nine times a day and now I’m finally satisfied.

(real)

Last April I came home to find that the walkway to my house had been scattered with these small plastic cherubs.

Sean didn’t get the memo today. So Pete and I blaze(re)d on. Later, we are going to make it rain at the strip club. (Or hail, with nickels and pennies.)

We lived in Bermuda when I was 3. I was the fire chief. They put me in charge of the fire station because I was too chickenshit to patrol the sea (too many barracudas.)

This man was allowed to grab and hold us in this manner because he was/remains our father. We all still have the same haircut. My father used to tell us to look at the sky when we were being photographed. I don’t know why! I’ll probably ask him as some certain point in the future.

This was taken after one difficult time, but before another difficult time befell me. That smile says, “I’ve hurt a lot of people by accident,” and also, “I don’t know I’m about to be hurt again quite badly in seven months!” It’s the semi-idiot me. Nico, however, felt pretty certain he was Jesus.

me and the guys coordinated outfits today and wore them seriously. that is peter’s midday glass of gin and sean is on his glass peanut phone. i am about to do some serious surface decontamination.